9 Ways to Remain Calm When Others are out of Control

Don’t imagine the worst when you encounter a little drama. Please don’t join them by rushing to make a negative judgment call when someone is acting irrationally. Instead, pause. Take a deep breath.

Sometimes, good people behave poorly under stress. Don’t you? When you pause, it gives you space to collect your thoughts, and it allows the other person to take a deep breath with you. In most cases, that extra time and space are all we need.

Learn to respect the opinions of others.

Choose your battles wisely. You will not always agree, so you have to agree to disagree sometimes in order to work together.

When you commit to remaining neutral on topics that don’t matter much, or you speak respectfully about your disagreements on topics that do matter, both parties can stay calm and move forward pleasantly.

In the busyness of today’s world, people tend to be worried, fearful, hurting, and distracted about everything. The word “compassion” means “to suffer with.” When you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, you give them the space to regroup without putting extra pressure on them.

Remember, we never know what’s going on in someone’s life. When you interact with others in stressful environments, set an intention to be supportive by leaving the expectations, judgments, and demands at the door.

Everyone gets upset and loses their temper sometimes. Remind yourself that we are all more alike than we are different. When you catch yourself passing judgment, add “just like me sometimes” to the end of a sentence. For example:

• That person is grouchy, just like me sometimes.
• He is so darn impatient, just like me sometimes.
• She is being rude, just like me sometimes.

Choose to let things go. Let others off the hook. Take the high road today.

If you take everything personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life. And there’s no reason for it. You may not be able to control everything people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Make that decision for yourself today.

Let it go! Seriously, a huge amount of freedom comes when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors. How people treat you is their problem; how you react is yours.

Everyone behaves the way they behave based on how they feel inside. Some people never learn how to cope with their stressful emotions effectively. When someone is acting obnoxious, it’s vital that you remain calm, no matter what. Don’t allow other people to knock you off your center.

Do what it takes to remain calm and address the situation from the inside out. That’s where your most significant power lies.

Don’t fall into an unnecessary argument just because you feel uncomfortable in silence. Don’t say things you’ll regret five minutes later just to fill your eardrums with noise. Anger and frustration begin internally. You have the capacity to choose your response to momentary discomfort. Inhale. Exhale. A moment of silence in a moment of anger can save you from a hundred moments of regret.

Don’t rush into your day by checking your phone or email. Don’t put yourself in a stressful state of mind that makes you incapable of dealing positively with other people’s negativity. Create time and space for a morning ritual that’s focused and peaceful.

Here’s part of my morning ritual: I take ten deep breaths before getting out of bed. Then, I stand up and stretch, followed by ten minutes of prayer and meditation.

I challenge you to try this—it has been life-changing for me—but start small, with three deep breaths and three minutes of prayer and meditation daily. Do this for thirty days. After thirty days, if this daily ritual becomes easy, add another two breaths and another two minutes. When you mindfully begin a day, you lay the foundation for your day to be calm and centered, regardless of what’s happening around you.

When we face stressful situations, we often calm or soothe ourselves with unhealthy choices—drinking alcohol, eating sugary snacks, smoking, etc. It’s easy to respond to anger with anger and unhealthy distractions.

Notice how you cope with stress. Replace bad coping habits with healthy coping habits. Take a walk in a green space. Make a cup of tea and sit quietly with your thoughts. Listen to some pleasant music. Write in your journal. Talk it out with a close friend. Healthy coping habits make people happy.

Keeping the positive in mind helps you move beyond the negativity around you.

At the end of the day, reflect on your small daily wins and all the little things that are going well. Count three small events on your fingers that happened during the day for which you’re undoubtedly grateful. For example:

• My family and I made it home safely from work and school today.
• My spouse and I shared a laugh.
• We have everything we need to feel safe and cared for.

And pay it forward when you get a chance. Let your positivity empower you to think kindly of others, speak kindly, and do kind things for others. Kindness always makes a difference. Create the outcomes others might be grateful for at the end of their day. Be a more significant part of what’s right in this world.

The most fundamental aggression to ourselves and others—the most fundamental harm we can do to human nature as a whole—is to remain ignorant by not having the awareness and the courage to look at ourselves and others honestly and gently.

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